i love u, Dina.
Friday, December 4, 2009
together
it's official. we're together =) nobody has ever made me happy the way she does. getting lost in her eyes, it's such a wonderful feeling. now i juz have to sort out my academic future. do i stay in nus n struggle for the next 2yrs? or do i try to apply to ntu and have fun learning but for twice the amount of time? she says she needs time to prepare for marriage and she's willing to wait for me. i can't ask for more. but even if i somehow grad from nus, i'll still need 1-2yrs to save up for marriage. plus, i'll be so stressed while in nus there's high chance of me relapsing again n again. so i think i'm gonna apply to nie when applications open in feb/mar next yr. i really hope they will accept me this time.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
fort minor - the hard way
Come with me
Let me walk you through the world that I currently stay in
You can take a look around and tell me if I'm mistaken
You can meet and talk to everybody that I live with
Maybe you can tell me why everybody's so distant
Is it me or maybe, when I look around daily
I don't even know the people I can put my trust in lately
People that I used to hang with now they're acting’ so different
I'm still the same person why doesn't anybody listen
Can somebody please just explain to me
What happened to the way that we always said we’d be
Right now I dunno why I push through the pain that I got through
And I'm losin’ hope
[chorus]
Deafening voices
That frequency inside my head that says
I'm going at it the hard way I focus
Get everything inside out of my brain that claims
I'm going at it the hard way
Come with me
Let me walk you through the world that I currently live in
Not a thing is forgotten, not a thing is forgiven
Nobody can hold their own underneath the weight but
Nobody can take the blame for their own mistakes so
What do you do when somebody lets you down
And you wanna say something but you can’t 'cause they're not around
Inside you think they know the extent of the pain
But they won’t even admit that they were the one to blame
Can somebody please just explain to me
What happened to the way that we always said we’d be
'cause right now I dunno why I push through the pain that I got through
And I'm losin’ hope
[chorus]
Voices (voices) in my head (in my head)
Can somebody please just explain to me
What happened to the way that we always said we’d be
Right now I dunno why I push through the pain that I got through
And I'm losin’ hope, GIVE ME ONE REASON NOT TO!
Let me walk you through the world that I currently stay in
You can take a look around and tell me if I'm mistaken
You can meet and talk to everybody that I live with
Maybe you can tell me why everybody's so distant
Is it me or maybe, when I look around daily
I don't even know the people I can put my trust in lately
People that I used to hang with now they're acting’ so different
I'm still the same person why doesn't anybody listen
Can somebody please just explain to me
What happened to the way that we always said we’d be
Right now I dunno why I push through the pain that I got through
And I'm losin’ hope
[chorus]
Deafening voices
That frequency inside my head that says
I'm going at it the hard way I focus
Get everything inside out of my brain that claims
I'm going at it the hard way
Come with me
Let me walk you through the world that I currently live in
Not a thing is forgotten, not a thing is forgiven
Nobody can hold their own underneath the weight but
Nobody can take the blame for their own mistakes so
What do you do when somebody lets you down
And you wanna say something but you can’t 'cause they're not around
Inside you think they know the extent of the pain
But they won’t even admit that they were the one to blame
Can somebody please just explain to me
What happened to the way that we always said we’d be
'cause right now I dunno why I push through the pain that I got through
And I'm losin’ hope
[chorus]
Voices (voices) in my head (in my head)
Can somebody please just explain to me
What happened to the way that we always said we’d be
Right now I dunno why I push through the pain that I got through
And I'm losin’ hope, GIVE ME ONE REASON NOT TO!
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
updates
wow. it's been 3 months since my last post. about time i updated this blog. juz wanna mention 2 things today. relief teaching and love. i'll start with relief teaching coz it's shorter. here it is...
had my first ever real job recently. relief teaching at acs barker. for 3 whole weeks. it's a really eye-opening experience. some of it i expected, some were not. waking up at 530 everyday is real challenge and one i must consider before i take up teaching for good. even with a half day job which ends at 230, it was really very tiring. when i got home i fell asleep almost immediately. shouting is a necessity especially when teaching curious young immature boys. but having played the games with them, bonding with them, learning their names, i grew to love the job even more. i didn't have a second academic subject so there was no marking to do and all that. i think it would be more challenging with a second subject. the best part is when a student genuinely thanks u. and says things like "u're my favourite teacher". of cos it's quite biased since i was free to let them play whatever they wanted to while a normal teacher would need to follow a lesson plan. all in all, i must say the experience was a positive one and i can't wait to be a full time pe teacher.
now on to the subject of love. i found what i thought i would never be able to. i found love. actually, love found me. love is strange. when u search for it, u won't find it. but when u don't, it suddenly finds u. i embarked on what i thought was a friendship but before i knew it i was entangled in a love triangle. words cannot fully describe how i feel about her but i shall try. when i see her, my heart races and i become very nervous yet when i'm with her i can be myself without needing to think about what she would think or how to impress her. when i look into her eyes, time stands still and i get lost in them. when i hold her hand, every cell in my body tells me that it's right and i never want to let go. there's so much more i want to say but i can't for now. every night i go to sleep wondering if i'll wake up to see her again. every morning i wake up and thank God for bringing me one day closer to being with her. right now things are very complicated. she just broke up with her bf whom her mum likes alot. but i believe that if i was given the chance to be with her, i won't mess things up like i did in previous relationships. the love i feel for her grows stronger by the day, with every difficulty that comes our way. all i need is one chance. to prove that i'm the one for her. coz i know deep in my heart that she's the one for me. i may have lacked security and always needed reassurances from her but all that will change in time to come when i can finally say she's mine. right now what she needs from me is patience. the patience to wait for the right time. the time for me to declare outright my love for her. her name is Dina.
to Dina:
i'm sorry for being so insecure. for always needing reassurances. i'm sorry for rushing you to do certain things. i just want you to know that i have never and will never ask from you that which i will not do for you myself. i just want you to know that i will always love you no matter how this journey ends. i promise to you that i will do everything in my power, whatever it takes, for us to be together as long as it remains our common goal. but if one day, if you find that your love for me has faded or that you have found somebody who makes you more happy than i do, please let me know. your happiness is what matters most to me. i love you.
had my first ever real job recently. relief teaching at acs barker. for 3 whole weeks. it's a really eye-opening experience. some of it i expected, some were not. waking up at 530 everyday is real challenge and one i must consider before i take up teaching for good. even with a half day job which ends at 230, it was really very tiring. when i got home i fell asleep almost immediately. shouting is a necessity especially when teaching curious young immature boys. but having played the games with them, bonding with them, learning their names, i grew to love the job even more. i didn't have a second academic subject so there was no marking to do and all that. i think it would be more challenging with a second subject. the best part is when a student genuinely thanks u. and says things like "u're my favourite teacher". of cos it's quite biased since i was free to let them play whatever they wanted to while a normal teacher would need to follow a lesson plan. all in all, i must say the experience was a positive one and i can't wait to be a full time pe teacher.
now on to the subject of love. i found what i thought i would never be able to. i found love. actually, love found me. love is strange. when u search for it, u won't find it. but when u don't, it suddenly finds u. i embarked on what i thought was a friendship but before i knew it i was entangled in a love triangle. words cannot fully describe how i feel about her but i shall try. when i see her, my heart races and i become very nervous yet when i'm with her i can be myself without needing to think about what she would think or how to impress her. when i look into her eyes, time stands still and i get lost in them. when i hold her hand, every cell in my body tells me that it's right and i never want to let go. there's so much more i want to say but i can't for now. every night i go to sleep wondering if i'll wake up to see her again. every morning i wake up and thank God for bringing me one day closer to being with her. right now things are very complicated. she just broke up with her bf whom her mum likes alot. but i believe that if i was given the chance to be with her, i won't mess things up like i did in previous relationships. the love i feel for her grows stronger by the day, with every difficulty that comes our way. all i need is one chance. to prove that i'm the one for her. coz i know deep in my heart that she's the one for me. i may have lacked security and always needed reassurances from her but all that will change in time to come when i can finally say she's mine. right now what she needs from me is patience. the patience to wait for the right time. the time for me to declare outright my love for her. her name is Dina.
to Dina:
i'm sorry for being so insecure. for always needing reassurances. i'm sorry for rushing you to do certain things. i just want you to know that i have never and will never ask from you that which i will not do for you myself. i just want you to know that i will always love you no matter how this journey ends. i promise to you that i will do everything in my power, whatever it takes, for us to be together as long as it remains our common goal. but if one day, if you find that your love for me has faded or that you have found somebody who makes you more happy than i do, please let me know. your happiness is what matters most to me. i love you.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
welcome home (sanitarium)
last post was when i was in hospital with nothing to do. beautiful song tho. was discharged 3 days later. had interview at MOE the following day. spent 2 weeks preparing for PE physical proficiency test which was held yesterday in the blistering heat. i think i did ok for the ppt. i really hope i pass and get accepted into NIE. although i have a gut feeling i may not be accepted cos i'm still technically a student at NUS. if only they allow me to quit NUS after being accepted into NIE. everything would fall into place very nicely. i'll have something to live for once again. a brighter future. one i'm more willing to work hard and be more determined to fulfill. tho the whole thing will last EiGHT years including bond. that's a freaking long time la. but if i do get in then i'm gonna make sure history doesn't repeat itself. for one, i'll be doing something i have passion for instead of something i seemed to be good at. for two, i'll be paid and school fees sponsored unless i fail and then have my contract terminated which then means i'll have to pay them back everything which would be a lot of money. i really want a new start.
floorball league has started. 4 games played, 1 win and 3 defeats. opening day loss to moosemen 1-5 followed by midweek defeat to nemesis 1-2 which we could have and probably should have gotten a result then a victory against victoria school 6-3 which i scored my first ever div 1 goal after capt renji relayed a pass to me from a free hit and ended the game with a clean sheet with my defensive partner. then another midweek match against merahans ended in a dissappointing 0-13 thrashing. our worst performance to date. everybody seemed to be one step slower than the opponents. me n my partner conceded the bulk of the goals i think. anyway my partner for this season is javier, a newbie who isn't really a noob. played floorball before nus if i remember correctly. so far we've had good understanding and communication except for the mauling. before the start of every match he'd say "protect me" and i'll laugh. i think he's capable of protecting himself and has put in quite reasonable performances so far. i'll continue to impart whatever knowledge and experience i have on him. i think he has potential. the highlight of saints 09 so far has been the transformation of khairul into a powerful attacking force. he's our top scorer right now having scored 3 goals in the 2 games he's played. if all goes according to plan, we could finish mid-table instead of battling to beat the drop on the final day of the season.
ok next match is not our fight. against zarf. later at 6. come down to support saints! we'll be trying very hard to work on our weaknesses (which i won't say here in case there are spies. haha) and we'll do our best to keep the score more respectable than merahans match.
oh on the finance side, i was contemplating buying fatpipe bow vs iphone. i went for the latter. since my stick has served me well. i'll buy the bow if and when my curve breaks. it's been getting some major slashes recently. heart painnnn....
floorball league has started. 4 games played, 1 win and 3 defeats. opening day loss to moosemen 1-5 followed by midweek defeat to nemesis 1-2 which we could have and probably should have gotten a result then a victory against victoria school 6-3 which i scored my first ever div 1 goal after capt renji relayed a pass to me from a free hit and ended the game with a clean sheet with my defensive partner. then another midweek match against merahans ended in a dissappointing 0-13 thrashing. our worst performance to date. everybody seemed to be one step slower than the opponents. me n my partner conceded the bulk of the goals i think. anyway my partner for this season is javier, a newbie who isn't really a noob. played floorball before nus if i remember correctly. so far we've had good understanding and communication except for the mauling. before the start of every match he'd say "protect me" and i'll laugh. i think he's capable of protecting himself and has put in quite reasonable performances so far. i'll continue to impart whatever knowledge and experience i have on him. i think he has potential. the highlight of saints 09 so far has been the transformation of khairul into a powerful attacking force. he's our top scorer right now having scored 3 goals in the 2 games he's played. if all goes according to plan, we could finish mid-table instead of battling to beat the drop on the final day of the season.
ok next match is not our fight. against zarf. later at 6. come down to support saints! we'll be trying very hard to work on our weaknesses (which i won't say here in case there are spies. haha) and we'll do our best to keep the score more respectable than merahans match.
oh on the finance side, i was contemplating buying fatpipe bow vs iphone. i went for the latter. since my stick has served me well. i'll buy the bow if and when my curve breaks. it's been getting some major slashes recently. heart painnnn....
Friday, May 1, 2009
nine inch nails - hurt
I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything
What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
I wear this crown of thorns
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still right here
What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything
What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
I wear this crown of thorns
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still right here
What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way
Thursday, March 26, 2009
fear, three days grace - animal i have become
i'm filled with fear. i'm so scared of everything. i'm very afraid that i won't be able to recover. that i'll be this messed up the rest of my life. i can feel people moving away from me. they're so fed up with the way i am. with who i am now. but the real me is not this way. i wish they could understand that. the real me would never have raised his voice towards his mother. yesterday was a really miserable day. i was so filled with angst. every little thing made me so irritated. i was at the point of breaking down with tears. yet tears never seem to be able to fall. it all gets sucked back in within me. kept within me. unable to let it out. every day more and more darkness fill my soul. i have become an animal (refer to lyrics below).
i feel as though nobody understands me. like nobody can. and it feels so lonely. going through all of this by myself. having to deal with the self-destructive side of me. all by myself. can somebody help me? can someone show me the light at the end of this dark tunnel? can somebody save me from this misery. day after day, i'm closer to bringing an end to this suffering. by myself. end it all. sometimes i don't understand why i don't just do it.
I can't escape this hell
So many times i've tried
But i'm still caged inside
Somebody get me through this nightmare
I can't control myself
So what if you can see the darkest side of me?
No one will ever change this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal
(This animal, this animal)
I can't escape myself
(I can't escape myself)
So many times i've lied
(So many times i've lied)
But there's still rage inside
Somebody get me through this nightmare
I can't control myself
So what if you can see the darkest side of me?
No one will ever change this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal
Somebody help me through this nightmare
I can't control myself
Somebody wake me from this nightmare
I can't escape this hell
(This animal, this animal, this animal, this animal, this animal, this animal, this animal)
So what if you can see the darkest side of me?
No one will ever change this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal
(This animal I have become)
i feel as though nobody understands me. like nobody can. and it feels so lonely. going through all of this by myself. having to deal with the self-destructive side of me. all by myself. can somebody help me? can someone show me the light at the end of this dark tunnel? can somebody save me from this misery. day after day, i'm closer to bringing an end to this suffering. by myself. end it all. sometimes i don't understand why i don't just do it.
I can't escape this hell
So many times i've tried
But i'm still caged inside
Somebody get me through this nightmare
I can't control myself
So what if you can see the darkest side of me?
No one will ever change this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal
(This animal, this animal)
I can't escape myself
(I can't escape myself)
So many times i've lied
(So many times i've lied)
But there's still rage inside
Somebody get me through this nightmare
I can't control myself
So what if you can see the darkest side of me?
No one will ever change this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal
Somebody help me through this nightmare
I can't control myself
Somebody wake me from this nightmare
I can't escape this hell
(This animal, this animal, this animal, this animal, this animal, this animal, this animal)
So what if you can see the darkest side of me?
No one will ever change this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal
(This animal I have become)
Monday, March 16, 2009
voices
been hearing my dad's voice over the past week. sometimes he'll say things like he misses me, how am i which is comforting. sometimes he'll say things like he wants to meet me which makes me rather fearful. like the only way to meet him is slash my wrists and bleed to death. sometimes i cannot make out whether he's still alive somewhere and i start to wonder why he doesn't want to come home. i was on the brink of total losing myselfness at a point near last weekend. i really wanted to go "meet" him. i don't know what stopped me. i just couldn't go through with it. my mind was so cluttered. so many crazy things just fill the mind with insanity.
i might request to see the doc later today. my life is a mess. will i ever be alright.
i might request to see the doc later today. my life is a mess. will i ever be alright.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
heart
quite a lot of things have happened this past week. i shall blog in chronological order.
last tuesday, last week, not yesterday, went girls training to loosen up as i was feeling rather tense and worked up. about what i cannot remember already. must have been the usual stuff. but that's not the point. the point is, after training i had one of the best hours of my life to date. just the two of us, eating and talking as though we've known each other forever. she put a smile in my heart. and before i knew what was happening, my life felt complete again. as though she's the one thing i've been searching for all this while.
the next day, wednesday, she came for guys training cos she was to go trials for national women's team that weekend. she wanted to train. to not be afraid of her opponents. we didnt go makan after that tho. she said she needed to go home. but a meeting was booked for friday for durians! had a craving for durians at that time.
nothing much happened on thursday except i tried to sms and call her a few times to confirm the next day's meeting. yet she didnt reply or return my calls. i wondered what could have happened to her.
friday came. still no answer in the morning. then around noon she replied. her phone was rather spoilt so she couldn't reply earlier. okay, so i thought. but she had also forgotten about our durian outing. sadness engulfed me. she was to meet her gf. friday night, relatives from kl and brunei came to stay for the weekend. they reached at 10pm, about an hour late, by train. klassik choochoo train.
saturday, dropped my relatives off at suntec city for them to go sightseeing the whole day then i went for training. she didn't come for training cos i suppose she wanted to rest before her trials. after training, sms-ed her about the trials. no reply.
sunday, took my relatives out for the day. first we went to mint museum of toys at seah street. will upload photos on facebook. pretty cool stuff there. they have like really old school toys and some of them can fetch US$5000 per toy. amazing. after that we headed to suntec city where they continued on their second day of the package thingy they signed up for including duck tour, hippo bus ride etc. in the mean time mum and i went roaming around suntec. rendezvous with them around 3pm, had quick lunch then off to i can't remember where. but at night we went to vivocity for dinner. oh we went sim lim square. they wanted to look for psp and digicam. the kids were supposed to get to play at the wading pool at vivo but by the time we got there it was already late so we only had enough time to eat before the place closed. headed home after a long twelve hour outing. fell asleep when the traffic light was red. haha first time i fell asleep while driving.
monday. another day of outings with them. but not as long as the day before cos they had to catch the 10pm train back. i really miss the kids. especially amber. she's so cute and talkative and very smart for a 3 year old. very naughty too! haha. how i miss them all. only have photos left of them.
lets get down to the main point of this post. i think i have finally found what i've been looking for. her. she makes my life complete. HOWEVER, she isn't replying my msg or returning my calls! maybe i expressed my feelings too early for her to accept them. but she didn't say a thing when i did (by sms, cos i couldnt see her). i feel i need to see her, talk to her, straighten things out. but i don't know when i can see her again. she didn't go training yesterday and there might not be training this saturday so i really don't know when i can see her again. i have so many questions in my mind which need answering and i'm not sure what i should do. (MS, a lil help please?) how i feel about her is best described by this chris brown song. of cos some parts are deleted cos they don't apply.
last tuesday, last week, not yesterday, went girls training to loosen up as i was feeling rather tense and worked up. about what i cannot remember already. must have been the usual stuff. but that's not the point. the point is, after training i had one of the best hours of my life to date. just the two of us, eating and talking as though we've known each other forever. she put a smile in my heart. and before i knew what was happening, my life felt complete again. as though she's the one thing i've been searching for all this while.
the next day, wednesday, she came for guys training cos she was to go trials for national women's team that weekend. she wanted to train. to not be afraid of her opponents. we didnt go makan after that tho. she said she needed to go home. but a meeting was booked for friday for durians! had a craving for durians at that time.
nothing much happened on thursday except i tried to sms and call her a few times to confirm the next day's meeting. yet she didnt reply or return my calls. i wondered what could have happened to her.
friday came. still no answer in the morning. then around noon she replied. her phone was rather spoilt so she couldn't reply earlier. okay, so i thought. but she had also forgotten about our durian outing. sadness engulfed me. she was to meet her gf. friday night, relatives from kl and brunei came to stay for the weekend. they reached at 10pm, about an hour late, by train. klassik choochoo train.
saturday, dropped my relatives off at suntec city for them to go sightseeing the whole day then i went for training. she didn't come for training cos i suppose she wanted to rest before her trials. after training, sms-ed her about the trials. no reply.
sunday, took my relatives out for the day. first we went to mint museum of toys at seah street. will upload photos on facebook. pretty cool stuff there. they have like really old school toys and some of them can fetch US$5000 per toy. amazing. after that we headed to suntec city where they continued on their second day of the package thingy they signed up for including duck tour, hippo bus ride etc. in the mean time mum and i went roaming around suntec. rendezvous with them around 3pm, had quick lunch then off to i can't remember where. but at night we went to vivocity for dinner. oh we went sim lim square. they wanted to look for psp and digicam. the kids were supposed to get to play at the wading pool at vivo but by the time we got there it was already late so we only had enough time to eat before the place closed. headed home after a long twelve hour outing. fell asleep when the traffic light was red. haha first time i fell asleep while driving.
monday. another day of outings with them. but not as long as the day before cos they had to catch the 10pm train back. i really miss the kids. especially amber. she's so cute and talkative and very smart for a 3 year old. very naughty too! haha. how i miss them all. only have photos left of them.
lets get down to the main point of this post. i think i have finally found what i've been looking for. her. she makes my life complete. HOWEVER, she isn't replying my msg or returning my calls! maybe i expressed my feelings too early for her to accept them. but she didn't say a thing when i did (by sms, cos i couldnt see her). i feel i need to see her, talk to her, straighten things out. but i don't know when i can see her again. she didn't go training yesterday and there might not be training this saturday so i really don't know when i can see her again. i have so many questions in my mind which need answering and i'm not sure what i should do. (MS, a lil help please?) how i feel about her is best described by this chris brown song. of cos some parts are deleted cos they don't apply.
with you - chris brown
I need you boo, (oh)
I gotta see you boo (hey)
And the hearts all over the world tonight,
Said the hearts all over the world tonight [x2]
[Verse 1]
Hey! Little mama,Ooh, you're a stunner
Hot..little figure,Yes, you're a winner
And I'm so glad to be yours,
You're a class all your own
And..
Oh, little cutie
When..you talk to me
I swear..the whole world stops
You're my sweetheart
And I'm so glad that you are mine
You are one of a kind and..
[Bridge]
You mean to me
What I mean to youand..
Together baby,
There is nothing we won't do
'cause if I got you,
I don't need money,
I don't need cars,
Girl, you're my all.And..
[Chorus:]
Oh!I'm into you,
And girl,
No one else would do,
'cause with every kiss and every hug,
You make me fall in love,
And now I know I can't be the only one,
I bet there heart's all over the world tonight,
With the love of they life who feel..
Wat I feel when I'm
With you [x5]
Girl..
With you [x5]
[Verse 2]
Oh girl!
I don't want nobody else,
Without you, there's no one left then,
You're like Jordans on Saturday,
I gotta have you and I cannot wait now,
Hey! Little shawty,
Say you care for me,
You know I care for you,
You know...that I'll be true,
You know that I won't lie,
You know that I would try,
To be your everything..yeah..
[Bridge]
'cause if I got you,
I don't need money,
I don't need cars,
Girl, you're my all.And..
[Chorus]
With you [x5]
Oh..
With you [x5]
Yeah Heh..
[Bridge 2]
And I..
Will never try to deny,
that you're my whole life,
'cause if you ever let me go,
I would die..
So I won't front,
I don't need another woman,
I just need your all and nothing,
'cause if I got that,
Then I'll be straight
Baby, you're the best part of my day
I need you boo,
I gotta see you boo
And the hearts all over the world tonight,
Said the hearts all over the world tonight [x2]
Woo Oh.. Yeah
They need it boo,
They gotta see their boo,
Said the hearts all over the world tonight,
Hearts all over the world tonight [x2]
[Chorus]
With you [x5]
Girl..
With you [x5]
Oh..
I gotta see you boo (hey)
And the hearts all over the world tonight,
Said the hearts all over the world tonight [x2]
[Verse 1]
Hey! Little mama,Ooh, you're a stunner
Hot..little figure,Yes, you're a winner
You're a class all your own
And..
Oh, little cutie
When..you talk to me
I swear..the whole world stops
You're my sweetheart
You are one of a kind and..
[Bridge]
What I mean to you
Together baby,
There is nothing we won't do
'cause if I got you,
I don't need money,
I don't need cars,
Girl, you're my all.And..
[Chorus:]
Oh!I'm into you,
And girl,
No one else would do,
You make me fall in love,
And now I know I can't be the only one,
I bet there heart's all over the world tonight,
With the love of they life who feel..
Wat I feel when I'm
With you [x5]
Girl..
With you [x5]
[Verse 2]
Oh girl!
I don't want nobody else,
Without you, there's no one left then,
You're like Jordans on Saturday,
I gotta have you and I cannot wait now,
Hey! Little shawty,
Say you care for me,
You know I care for you,
You know...that I'll be true,
You know that I won't lie,
You know that I would try,
To be your everything..yeah..
[Bridge]
'cause if I got you,
I don't need money,
I don't need cars,
Girl, you're my all.And..
[Chorus]
With you [x5]
Oh..
With you [x5]
Yeah Heh..
[Bridge 2]
And I..
Will never try to deny,
that you're my whole life,
'cause if you ever let me go,
I would die..
So I won't front,
I don't need another woman,
I just need your all and nothing,
'cause if I got that,
Then I'll be straight
Baby, you're the best part of my day
I need you boo,
I gotta see you boo
And the hearts all over the world tonight,
Said the hearts all over the world tonight [x2]
Woo Oh.. Yeah
They need it boo,
They gotta see their boo,
Said the hearts all over the world tonight,
Hearts all over the world tonight [x2]
[Chorus]
With you [x5]
Girl..
With you [x5]
Oh..
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
tiger lily by matchbook romance
we drive tonight,
and you are by my side.
We're talking about our lives,
like we've known each other forever.
the time flies by,
with the sound of your voice.
its close to paradise,
with the end surely near.
and if i could only stop the car
and hold onto you,
and never let go (and never let go)
i'll never let go (i'll never let go)
as we round the cornerto your house
you turned to me and said,
"i'll be going through withdrawal of you for this one night we have spent."
and, i want to speak these words
but i guess i'll just bite my tongue,
and accept "someday, somehow"
as the words that we'll hang from.
and i (i..), i don't want to speak these words.
'cause i ('cause i..), i don't want to make things any worse.
and i (i..), i don't want to speak these words.
'cause i, i don't want to make things any worse.
why does tonight, have to end?
why don't we hit restart,
and pause it at our favorite parts.
we'll skip the goodbyes.
if i had it my way,
i'd turn the car around and runaway,
just you and i.
and i (i..), i don't want to speak these words.
'cause i ('cause i..), i don't want to make things any worse. (any worse)
and i (i..), i don't want to speak these words
'cause i, i don't want to make things
and i, i don't want to make things any worse
-end-
something i never thought could happen. will it happen again?
and you are by my side.
We're talking about our lives,
like we've known each other forever.
the time flies by,
with the sound of your voice.
its close to paradise,
with the end surely near.
and if i could only stop the car
and hold onto you,
and never let go (and never let go)
i'll never let go (i'll never let go)
as we round the cornerto your house
you turned to me and said,
"i'll be going through withdrawal of you for this one night we have spent."
and, i want to speak these words
but i guess i'll just bite my tongue,
and accept "someday, somehow"
as the words that we'll hang from.
and i (i..), i don't want to speak these words.
'cause i ('cause i..), i don't want to make things any worse.
and i (i..), i don't want to speak these words.
'cause i, i don't want to make things any worse.
why does tonight, have to end?
why don't we hit restart,
and pause it at our favorite parts.
we'll skip the goodbyes.
if i had it my way,
i'd turn the car around and runaway,
just you and i.
and i (i..), i don't want to speak these words.
'cause i ('cause i..), i don't want to make things any worse. (any worse)
and i (i..), i don't want to speak these words
'cause i, i don't want to make things
and i, i don't want to make things any worse
-end-
something i never thought could happen. will it happen again?
Sunday, February 15, 2009
please specify
a few days ago, i felt like giving up. i was on the brink of destruction. almost at the point of no return. that was before i had a good chat with my counsellor. his words opened my mind like a can of sardines opened by a can opener. he made me realise that i've put in so much effort for the past 5 months or so in recovering. no doubt the situation changed recently. but i have grown as a person and done too much to just throw it all away by doing something silly.
there's something deep within me that is missing. i don't know what it is yet. i desperately want to know what it is. but it seems the questions i have been asking myself were too vague. i need to be more specific. i think i want somebody to be there for me all the time. not all the time kinda all the time. like whenever i'm in need, he/she is just an sms away. people are taking super long to reply no thanks to their busy schedules. i want somebody to accompany me drink teh tarik. i dont like drinking alone. and while drinking, talk about life in general. someone with wisdom to share. like my late father. maybe i've been looking for someone to replace a certain somebody i let go of many many years ago. so far nobody has been able to replace that person in my heart. my dad came closest during his last days with me. now the void is resurfacing. who might u be? i wonder..
anyways i found a super duper beautiful song. bittersweet by apocalypto featuring ville of HIM and lauri of the rasmus. super beautiful. love the melody. been listening to it on loop for the past 2 hours. and the song lasts 4min 26sec. haha
there's something else i wanna blog about but just can't remember what it is. next time then.
"she is the one that i adore, creed of my silent suffocation"
there's something deep within me that is missing. i don't know what it is yet. i desperately want to know what it is. but it seems the questions i have been asking myself were too vague. i need to be more specific. i think i want somebody to be there for me all the time. not all the time kinda all the time. like whenever i'm in need, he/she is just an sms away. people are taking super long to reply no thanks to their busy schedules. i want somebody to accompany me drink teh tarik. i dont like drinking alone. and while drinking, talk about life in general. someone with wisdom to share. like my late father. maybe i've been looking for someone to replace a certain somebody i let go of many many years ago. so far nobody has been able to replace that person in my heart. my dad came closest during his last days with me. now the void is resurfacing. who might u be? i wonder..
anyways i found a super duper beautiful song. bittersweet by apocalypto featuring ville of HIM and lauri of the rasmus. super beautiful. love the melody. been listening to it on loop for the past 2 hours. and the song lasts 4min 26sec. haha
there's something else i wanna blog about but just can't remember what it is. next time then.
"she is the one that i adore, creed of my silent suffocation"
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
seize the day - avenged sevenfold
Seize the day or die regretting the time you lost
It's empty and cold without you here, too many people to ache over
I see my vision burn, I feel my memories fade with time
But I'm too young to worry
These streets we travel on will undergo our same lost past
I found you here, now please just stay for a while
I can move on with you around
I hand you my mortal life, but will it be forever?
I'd do anything for a smile, holding you 'til our time is done
We both know the day will come, but I don't want to leave you
I see my vision burn, I feel my memories fade with time
But I'm too young to worry
(a melody, a memory, or just one picture)
Seize the day or die regretting the time you lost
It's empty and cold without you here, too many people to ache over
Newborn life replacing life, replacing all of us, changing this fable we live in
No longer needed here so where should we go?
Will you take a journey tonight, follow me past the walls of death?
But girl, what if there is no eternal life?
I see my vision burn, I feel my memories fade with time
But I'm too young to worry
(a melody, a memory, or just one picture)
Seize the day or die regretting the time you lost
Its empty and cold without you here, too many people to ache over
Trials in life, questions of us existing here, don't wanna die alone without you here
Please tell me what we have is real
So, what if I never hold you, or kiss you lips again?
I never want to leave you and the memories for us to see
I beg don't leave me
Seize the day or die regretting the time you lost
Its empty and cold without you here, too many people to ache over
Trials in life, questions of us existing here, don't wanna die alone without you here
Please tell me what we have is real
(Silence you lost me, no chance for one more day)
I stand here alone
Falling away from you, no chance to get back home
It's empty and cold without you here, too many people to ache over
I see my vision burn, I feel my memories fade with time
But I'm too young to worry
These streets we travel on will undergo our same lost past
I found you here, now please just stay for a while
I can move on with you around
I hand you my mortal life, but will it be forever?
I'd do anything for a smile, holding you 'til our time is done
We both know the day will come, but I don't want to leave you
I see my vision burn, I feel my memories fade with time
But I'm too young to worry
(a melody, a memory, or just one picture)
Seize the day or die regretting the time you lost
It's empty and cold without you here, too many people to ache over
Newborn life replacing life, replacing all of us, changing this fable we live in
No longer needed here so where should we go?
Will you take a journey tonight, follow me past the walls of death?
But girl, what if there is no eternal life?
I see my vision burn, I feel my memories fade with time
But I'm too young to worry
(a melody, a memory, or just one picture)
Seize the day or die regretting the time you lost
Its empty and cold without you here, too many people to ache over
Trials in life, questions of us existing here, don't wanna die alone without you here
Please tell me what we have is real
So, what if I never hold you, or kiss you lips again?
I never want to leave you and the memories for us to see
I beg don't leave me
Seize the day or die regretting the time you lost
Its empty and cold without you here, too many people to ache over
Trials in life, questions of us existing here, don't wanna die alone without you here
Please tell me what we have is real
(Silence you lost me, no chance for one more day)
I stand here alone
Falling away from you, no chance to get back home
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
lonely
been feeling ever so lonely of late. not that i haven't been feeling lonely for the past 6months or so. just that, ever since my dad passed away, i have to spend the daytime all by myself. used to have him for company cos he worked nights on the new flight schedule so he'll be around at home in the day and many afternoons we spent chilling out drinking teh tarik. he introduced me to teh tarik drinking a couple of years back. now, when i have the urge to drink teh tarik in the afternoon, which is quite often btw, i usually end up drinking alone. which sucks shit. i'll always be thinking of him when i'm at our usual haunts and for that period of time that i'm there i can't help but to be emo and listen to emo songs. all this has made me realise how much i took him, his presence, for granted. i never thought he'd go so early. i always thought he'll be there on my graduation, on my wedding, playing with my children his grandchildren. i'm still in some shock cos he passed away so suddenly. i remember the last day we spent together like it was yesterday. he came home from work around noon, i borrowed the car to go buy tickets for the singapore vietnam suzuki cup semifinal with my cuz. after buying the tickets we went back to my place and he was doing his office work in the living room. at around five, he sent my mother to work on the way to his office and that was the last time i spoke to him, kissed his hand. i wish i had hugged him. his last words to me, just like any other day he'd leave for work, were "take care".
i don't know how long more i can put up this brave front. i'm crumbling inside. it's like a disease which eats the life out of you from inside. like my previous blog "death from within". but i guess there's a reason why this blog is called "this is my fight". this IS my fight. to overcome the challenges that i face. like depression. it'd be so easy to fall back into a depressed mode but i'm trying my very best to move on and live life to the fullest. because what i've learnt from my dad's passing is that life is VERY short and u never know when your time will come to leave this material world and enter the afterlife. it's a painful lesson but pain with purpose.
i really need a long chat with someone but i don't know how to say what i need to say, hence, this entry. talk to me if u have the time. maybe i can help with some of your own problems.
i don't know how long more i can put up this brave front. i'm crumbling inside. it's like a disease which eats the life out of you from inside. like my previous blog "death from within". but i guess there's a reason why this blog is called "this is my fight". this IS my fight. to overcome the challenges that i face. like depression. it'd be so easy to fall back into a depressed mode but i'm trying my very best to move on and live life to the fullest. because what i've learnt from my dad's passing is that life is VERY short and u never know when your time will come to leave this material world and enter the afterlife. it's a painful lesson but pain with purpose.
i really need a long chat with someone but i don't know how to say what i need to say, hence, this entry. talk to me if u have the time. maybe i can help with some of your own problems.
Friday, January 30, 2009
new year
a new year, a new beginning. i hope so. been missing him alot lately. i miss him so so so soooo much. sometimes i wish i could juz let out my feelings inside but i can't. for some reason i just can't. along with the feelings that's bottled up inside, i have a bigger gaping hole in my heart. haiz. what is the meaning of true happiness?
ivp season has ended. we got third. finally a medal for nus floorball after a barren 3,4,5 years. how much did i play? first match: 5 seconds (okay la maybe 10). second and third matches: bench warmer. semis: one shift of 2 minutes box play (was totally unexpected). 3rd/4th placing: 2 periods. i think i had a good game in the 3rd/4th placing match. made one really crucial tackle when one-on-one with a certain national forward =) how i missed timing my tackles to perfection. it has to be said, only after the final match did i feel like i deserve to win something out of this ivp cos i had been barely involved in the previous matches. i would have liked to play more but other defenders were performing better during training. to wrap up ivp, i hope i don't get to play under coach ever again!haha his pr skills are just... bare.
skool has restarted. i'm already lagging behind in most of my modules. at least two of them i've been lost since day one. still early to say but i have my reservations about whether i can pass all the modules this semester. looks more and more likely i'll have to extend by at least another semester. to end off:
what is the meaning of true happiness?
ivp season has ended. we got third. finally a medal for nus floorball after a barren 3,4,5 years. how much did i play? first match: 5 seconds (okay la maybe 10). second and third matches: bench warmer. semis: one shift of 2 minutes box play (was totally unexpected). 3rd/4th placing: 2 periods. i think i had a good game in the 3rd/4th placing match. made one really crucial tackle when one-on-one with a certain national forward =) how i missed timing my tackles to perfection. it has to be said, only after the final match did i feel like i deserve to win something out of this ivp cos i had been barely involved in the previous matches. i would have liked to play more but other defenders were performing better during training. to wrap up ivp, i hope i don't get to play under coach ever again!haha his pr skills are just... bare.
skool has restarted. i'm already lagging behind in most of my modules. at least two of them i've been lost since day one. still early to say but i have my reservations about whether i can pass all the modules this semester. looks more and more likely i'll have to extend by at least another semester. to end off:
what is the meaning of true happiness?
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