been hearing my dad's voice over the past week. sometimes he'll say things like he misses me, how am i which is comforting. sometimes he'll say things like he wants to meet me which makes me rather fearful. like the only way to meet him is slash my wrists and bleed to death. sometimes i cannot make out whether he's still alive somewhere and i start to wonder why he doesn't want to come home. i was on the brink of total losing myselfness at a point near last weekend. i really wanted to go "meet" him. i don't know what stopped me. i just couldn't go through with it. my mind was so cluttered. so many crazy things just fill the mind with insanity.
i might request to see the doc later today. my life is a mess. will i ever be alright.
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