loser

it's a neverending battle. every single moment i'm faced with thoughts of how to best hurt myself without having to go to hospital. if it's not physical pain, it's emotional pain. when will all of this stop? will it ever end?

the guy's match put everything into perspective. what does it mean to you? do you care enough to be emotional or do you just move on like nothing happened. "it's only a game afterall". what you have failed to realise that in the game of life, you only have one chance to prove your worth. there's no such thing as second chances. lose and you will lose your life forever. you may get up after you fall but the fact is, you fell! and by falling, i don't know. i don't have the energy or desire to get up. i'm tired of being pushed on to keep on going. can't you see? just like a game, some win while others lose. perhaps i'm one of those who just has to lose.

the losing mentality has been bred onto me since i was a kid. i don't know how to win. winning feels wrong. losing is the right thing to do. when i lose, others will win. everybody's happy. i am happy to lose?

in this lifetime of sadness, i long for that one moment of joy. one that perhaps could rekindle the light at the end of the tunnel. i thought i found that moment but it turns out i was wrong. now i have to look elsewhere. time is running out for me. can you help me find it?