fear, three days grace - animal i have become

i'm filled with fear. i'm so scared of everything. i'm very afraid that i won't be able to recover. that i'll be this messed up the rest of my life. i can feel people moving away from me. they're so fed up with the way i am. with who i am now. but the real me is not this way. i wish they could understand that. the real me would never have raised his voice towards his mother. yesterday was a really miserable day. i was so filled with angst. every little thing made me so irritated. i was at the point of breaking down with tears. yet tears never seem to be able to fall. it all gets sucked back in within me. kept within me. unable to let it out. every day more and more darkness fill my soul. i have become an animal (refer to lyrics below).

i feel as though nobody understands me. like nobody can. and it feels so lonely. going through all of this by myself. having to deal with the self-destructive side of me. all by myself. can somebody help me? can someone show me the light at the end of this dark tunnel? can somebody save me from this misery. day after day, i'm closer to bringing an end to this suffering. by myself. end it all. sometimes i don't understand why i don't just do it.

I can't escape this hell
So many times i've tried
But i'm still caged inside
Somebody get me through this nightmare
I can't control myself
So what if you can see the darkest side of me?
No one will ever change this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal
(This animal, this animal)
I can't escape myself
(I can't escape myself)
So many times i've lied
(So many times i've lied)
But there's still rage inside
Somebody get me through this nightmare
I can't control myself
So what if you can see the darkest side of me?
No one will ever change this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal
Somebody help me through this nightmare
I can't control myself
Somebody wake me from this nightmare
I can't escape this hell
(This animal, this animal, this animal, this animal, this animal, this animal, this animal)
So what if you can see the darkest side of me?
No one will ever change this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal
(This animal I have become)

voices

been hearing my dad's voice over the past week. sometimes he'll say things like he misses me, how am i which is comforting. sometimes he'll say things like he wants to meet me which makes me rather fearful. like the only way to meet him is slash my wrists and bleed to death. sometimes i cannot make out whether he's still alive somewhere and i start to wonder why he doesn't want to come home. i was on the brink of total losing myselfness at a point near last weekend. i really wanted to go "meet" him. i don't know what stopped me. i just couldn't go through with it. my mind was so cluttered. so many crazy things just fill the mind with insanity.

i might request to see the doc later today. my life is a mess. will i ever be alright.