dad. i love you.

my beloved dad passed away on 23dec tuesday at 1132am. he was 55. cause of death is massive stroke. it was the "special" thing that i had been feeling was going to happen. if only i knew. there's alot of things i want to say to him and do with him and seek his forgiveness. he had gone to work as usual on friday 5pm. supposed to be at work by 8pm but didn't turn up. the next day after he didnt return from work around noon my mum called his office. his boss said he didn't turn up for work and thought he was at home sick. at 6pm we received a call saying he was in tan tock seng hospital icu. he was brought to the hospital by ambulance around 1pm. which means he suffered the stroke between 5-8pm on friday but someone only found him and called ambulance on saturday 1pm. that's almost 1 whole day! on the first day of hospitalisation when we just reached, we tried speaking to him. we saw him struggle to open his eyes but he just could not open them. then there were physical struggles like kicking about as though he was in great pain. the doctor explained to us on that day that he had suffered massive stroke (the whole of his left brain was affected and was swollen) and chances of recovery were very slim. as the day went by his condition got worse and he fell into a coma-like state. we slept at the hospital for the time being, not knowing what could happen and hoping for a miracle that he would wake up. sunday came, his condition got worse. monday, it got even more worse. tuesday morning we met with the doctor as usual and he said the same thing, his condition is worse. at 1132am he passed. my brother was by his bedside when it happened. so that was what happened.

i would like to thank all who have helped, prayed for him and supported us during this trying times. there's still a lot of grief within me that i am unable to express. i just hope it doesn't cause me to implode and depress again. for the time being i'm being strong for my mum and bro. however, i feel that as the days go by my strength is fading away. but i know, like what this blog is about, that this is my fight. i have to go on fighting for my loved ones.

on a brighter note, i made it into the ivp team. but for the time being i'm in line 3. i was hoping to make it to line 2 but nevermind. as long as i'm part of the team and not the supporting contingent like the past 2 years when ivp comes. ivp starts on monday 5jan. so fast.

fail

exams sucked. i think i'm gonna fail 3 mods including the 2 math mods i took this sem. haha math major failing his math mods. wts. argh i don't wanna think about exams stuff anymore till results are out on 23rd.

lately been feeling okay. mood back up to normal range. that's good i guess. i can't help thinking that something special is gonna happen soon. my intuition says so. my intuition is always wrong. haha. perhaps i'm gonna fail exams that's what's gonna happen. so i'd better enjoy this holidays as much as i can and i intend to.

training for ivp will be 4 times a week starting next week. got a friendly against ntu next wednesday. if coach comes down and settles the lines then it'll be a good gauge of where i stand in the team right now and how much work needs to be done. right now i feel like i'm number 6 or 7 in the pecking order. hope to get up to four by ivp. work starts now though. actually yesterday. had physical training. though i've been running regularly during the exam break, i wasn't prepared for the hilly roads of nus. the up slopes totally killed me man. but i went through with it and walked less than before which is good i guess. after training 5 of us ordered pizza and ate our stomachs out. haha gained back all the weight lost during pt.

i'm watching by the side as she goes on with her happy life and her happy other half. i can only think of the 'if only'. give it 5 years max and she'll be gone from my life forever. in the mean time, i'll just have to rilek one korner, as always, till the day comes.