updates

wow. it's been 3 months since my last post. about time i updated this blog. juz wanna mention 2 things today. relief teaching and love. i'll start with relief teaching coz it's shorter. here it is...

had my first ever real job recently. relief teaching at acs barker. for 3 whole weeks. it's a really eye-opening experience. some of it i expected, some were not. waking up at 530 everyday is real challenge and one i must consider before i take up teaching for good. even with a half day job which ends at 230, it was really very tiring. when i got home i fell asleep almost immediately. shouting is a necessity especially when teaching curious young immature boys. but having played the games with them, bonding with them, learning their names, i grew to love the job even more. i didn't have a second academic subject so there was no marking to do and all that. i think it would be more challenging with a second subject. the best part is when a student genuinely thanks u. and says things like "u're my favourite teacher". of cos it's quite biased since i was free to let them play whatever they wanted to while a normal teacher would need to follow a lesson plan. all in all, i must say the experience was a positive one and i can't wait to be a full time pe teacher.

now on to the subject of love. i found what i thought i would never be able to. i found love. actually, love found me. love is strange. when u search for it, u won't find it. but when u don't, it suddenly finds u. i embarked on what i thought was a friendship but before i knew it i was entangled in a love triangle. words cannot fully describe how i feel about her but i shall try. when i see her, my heart races and i become very nervous yet when i'm with her i can be myself without needing to think about what she would think or how to impress her. when i look into her eyes, time stands still and i get lost in them. when i hold her hand, every cell in my body tells me that it's right and i never want to let go. there's so much more i want to say but i can't for now. every night i go to sleep wondering if i'll wake up to see her again. every morning i wake up and thank God for bringing me one day closer to being with her. right now things are very complicated. she just broke up with her bf whom her mum likes alot. but i believe that if i was given the chance to be with her, i won't mess things up like i did in previous relationships. the love i feel for her grows stronger by the day, with every difficulty that comes our way. all i need is one chance. to prove that i'm the one for her. coz i know deep in my heart that she's the one for me. i may have lacked security and always needed reassurances from her but all that will change in time to come when i can finally say she's mine. right now what she needs from me is patience. the patience to wait for the right time. the time for me to declare outright my love for her. her name is Dina.

to Dina:

i'm sorry for being so insecure. for always needing reassurances. i'm sorry for rushing you to do certain things. i just want you to know that i have never and will never ask from you that which i will not do for you myself. i just want you to know that i will always love you no matter how this journey ends. i promise to you that i will do everything in my power, whatever it takes, for us to be together as long as it remains our common goal. but if one day, if you find that your love for me has faded or that you have found somebody who makes you more happy than i do, please let me know. your happiness is what matters most to me. i love you.